My Kids Are Growing Up. I Am Too.

There are several movies that, as a kid, I watched over and over because I loved them so much. But now that I am an adult and I go back and watch them, they are still good and I still enjoy watching them, but they do seem to view “hit me” differently.

One of those movies for me is “Father of the Bride.”  I watched that movie so many times, especially as a teenager. As a young girl who loved romantic movies, this one was a favourite. I loved the wedding planning, the dress she chose, how so much in love Annie and Brian were.  I just loved all the romantic parts of the movie.  I saw it from Annie, the bride’s perspective.  I was wrapped up in excitement and anticipation.

Now that I am an adult with children of my own, the movie has taken on a whole different meaning and feeling.  Watching it now, I see it more from the parent’s point of view. I see the special relationship between father and daughter, the sweet relationship of the brother and sister.  I find myself empathizing with the dad, as he begins to realize that his children have somehow grown up right before his very eyes, that time has changed a moved on.

One scene that really sticks out to me is this: Its the night before the wedding.  Annie is in her room, packing up all her childhood belongings while she talks to her fiancé on the phone.  George (the dad) is walking down the hall, and stops to talk to his son, Matty.  They chat a little outside her door, when they both pause and glance in at her for a minute. They both have a somber look on their faces as they then talk about how weird its going to be in the house with her gone. George thinks about this for a minute then starts to walk away, guiding his son into his room to go to bed.  He’s walking away when he hears Matty call out,

“Annie?”

“Ya?” She responds.

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Matty. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

George then does a gesture of putting his hand to his heart, like it was too precious a moment that he just can’t take it. And it really is a precious moment.

Being a parent is truly one of the best things in the world.  From the second I knew a child was in existence in my womb, I loved them dearly.  And there are few moments better than the first time you lay eyes on that child and know that they are yours, a precious gift from God.

But then life gets busy as you begin to work through all the ups and downs of parenting.  There are the exciting times of first words, first steps, first day of school.  Beginning to see their personality coming out and learning who they are going to be.  But there the other times that you have to deal with too.  The tantrums, the sickness, the endless laundry.  It can be easy to get bogged down in all the “humdrum” of daily life.  And you mistakenly think that 18 years is a really long time.

Until one day, you wake up and that 18 years is up.  It went so much faster than you ever thought it could.  Instead of tantrums and bedtime, you are now finding your self learning how to start letting go.  Letting them make their own decisions.  Learning when to speak up giving your opinion and advice, and when they need to learn this lesson all on their own.

You find yourself wondering if you did enough, if you taught them all that you should have. You still want to protect them from hurt and hardship, but also know that it is inevitable that those things are going to come into their life.  You are excited for them and the future that is before them, yet at the same time your heart aches with the hole that is left with them leaving.  You know that it is good and healthy for them to spread their wings and fly, but you also are wishing you could maybe go back just for a little while when you were their whole world. The conflicting emotions can really be a strange thing,

At the beginning of this year, our oldest left for his first year of college.  And now, in two weeks, we will leave to drop off not only him but our oldest daughter as well.  And just like that, I will have two out of the home and two still at home.

The other day I had an experience similar to the scene I described above to you in the Father of the Bride movie.  I was in the kitchen doing dishes when my daughter was cleaning out her room, getting things ready for her to leave.  That scene from the movie popped in my mind because I now can understand the look on George’s face and some of why he reacted the way he did. (And we haven’t even made it to our kids getting married yet!)

I’m sure I may sound dramatic. But life does come at you fast. I think I’m just writing this as a means of dealing with the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with this part of life. This is the part you don’t really think about or prepare for when the kids are little and you just can’t wait until you will sleep a whole night through again. Or when you will no longer be dealing with diapers.  Or when your kids will be able to buckle themselves into the car.

But before you know it they will not only be buckling themselves in, but they will be the one driving away from you in the car  And now you find yourself being THAT woman.  The one who looks at the momma who is wrangling all the young kids at the store or at church and you say, “Ah, savour these moments!  They grow so fast!”  And she will politely smile and say, “Oh, I know. I am trying to.” And go back to her wrangling.

I am just beginning to go through this part of life myself.  Just as my kids are growing up and learning, I am too. So I don’t really have any advice to give except maybe this: The Bible tells us that “to everything there is a season.”  How true that is!  Some seasons are easier than others, but each one can be beautiful and give us something to learn. So I am going to embrace this time. I am going to do my best to continue to cherish the moments remaining with my youngest two at home and at the same time continue learning how to now be a parent to adult children.

I still count it a privilege and a blessing that God allowed me to be the mother to these four precious souls.  And even though they are growing and changing, one thing hasn’t changed: my job of being a godly mother and example to them of someone who always follows the Lord, no matter what is going on in my life.